You might be from Houston if:
When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think he's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes; you know that he just stepped in a fire ant bed.
The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.
You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.
Everybody has a story of the Flying Roach the size of the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
For a Chili Cook off, you'll use anything from armadillo to frog's legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped - not ground beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.
A 747 with the Space Shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low right overhead, and nobody paid any attention to it.
You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. treasury.
You're happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but you'd rather they keep the title of "Smog Capital."
You see nothing unusual about an eighty-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news!" on a nightly basis
In February you tell your boss I have to leave on time today, so I don't get caught behind a chuck wagon going home. And he lets you go!
Killer bees are not an insect
You still slow down for the "tracks" between Spring Branch and Memorial even though the RR tracks have been gone for years.
You know the reason the roads around River Oaks are so pot holed is to keep us peons out
Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year
You laugh when people complain about the humidity and it is only at 89%
You know who "Mattress Mac" is
The phrase Slime in the Ice machine makes you wonder how Marvin Zindler survived closing the chicken ranch.
You can pronounce Edloe
You know who the Allen Brothers were
You know what the Katy, EastTex, Southwest, and Gulf freeways are
You know they will NEVER finish I45 or 59 or I10
You quit getting alignments done on your car because it's cheaper to just throw the money directly into the potholes.
You would not dream of exceeding the speed limit in West U., Southside Place, or Bellaire.
You remember "Luv Ya Blue" and "Phi Slama Jama".
The executive parking spaces at your job are filled with fully loaded extended cab pick-up trucks.
You've worn shorts and t-shirts to Christmas dinner and ski jackets and boots to Easter brunch.
You do the dishes during the weather forecast, because really, they're just guessing.
You call it a feeder road.
You list the four seasons as Hurricane, Rodeo, Allergy, and Summer (which is actually 6 months long).
Houstonians run amuck!
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