One of my friends in college really liked Weird Al, and when he had a breakup with his girl he thought this appropriate. I encountered the album in the library this morning so thought I'd share the lyrics, as only Weird Al can write them.
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Weird Al - One More Minute
(do-wop tune)
Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin').
Gonna leave me far behind (so far be-hind, do wop)
Cause you found a brand new lover.
You decided that I'm not your kind.
So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my rolodex.
And I tore all your pictures in two.
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you!
That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'.
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new.
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity
Eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you.
I guess I might seem kinda bitter.
You got me feeling down in the dumps.
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps!
Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase.
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two.
Cause I'd rather get a hundred
Thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you.
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men.
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again.
Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say darlin',
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (lee-ches).
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two.
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you.
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue.
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool
Filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you-ooh-ooh.
I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'til I die... (gasp)
Than spend one more minute with you.
(ooh ooh ooh ooh.....)
Weird Al - One More Minute
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