Some funny Geek sayings I found...
Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 7:54 pm
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; give him a freshly-charged
Electric Eel and chances are he won't bother you for anything ever again.
-- Tanuki
I was absolutely horrified to see a book entitled 'C++ for dummies'.
What is the potential market for this book? What programmer considers
themself to be a dummy? Who wants to run code written by a dummy?
And perhaps more importantly, someone who *considers themselves* to
be a dummy?
-- Matthew Wilcox
For their next act, they'll no doubt be buying a firewall running under NT,
which makes about as much sense as building a prison out of meringue.
-- Tanuki
I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that
fish follow migrating caribou.
-- Paul Tomblin
I never really understood how there could be things that would drive you
insane just because you knew them until I ran into Windows.
-- Peter da Silva
If you continue to annoy us, you may find that we prefer the solution of
inducing you leave to the solution of deleting your posts.
We are not gentle tolerant people. We like drastically effective solutions.
-- Steve VanDevender
An Emacs reference mug is what I want. It would hold ten gallons of coffee.
-- Steve VanDevender
People who love sausages, respect the law, and work with IT standards
shouldn't watch any of them being made.
-- Peter Gutmann
First time I've gotten a programming job that required a drug test.
I was worried they were going to say 'you don't have enough LSD in
your system to do Unix programming'.
-- Paul Tomblin
You don't change the way people think by changing what they say. You
change the way people think with HEADLESS CHARRED BODIES FLYING THROUGH THE AIR. BLOOD! FLAMES! HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION!
-- Alastair J. R. Young
But yeah, a semi-automatic, a room full of our managers, and I would
*not* be a scene conducive to my staying out of gaol.
-- Matt McLeod
You'll get access to my computer room right after you pry the Halon test key out of my cold, lifeless hands.
-- Simon Travaglia
The difference is that Unix has had thirty years of technical types
demanding basic functionality of it. And the Macintosh has had fifteen
years of interface fascist users shaping its progress. Windows has the
hairpin turns of the Microsoft marketing machine and that's all.
-- Red Drag Diva
Wonder what diamonds do to losers though.
-- Peter N. M. Hansteen
When attached to the teeth of a blade turning at 7000rpm, a darn fine job.
-- D. Joseph Creighton
It's distinctly sub-optimal having a 70MPH pigeon explode all over
the inside of your vehicle.
-- Tanuki
I'm just waiting for the day that someone decides that "ignorant moron" is
an ethnic group, and thus cannot be discriminated against.
-- Christian Wagner
Why don't companies make second-person shooter games? I mean, we
have first-person, and third-person. Why not second-person?
-- Joe Moore
[Once in a lifetime opportunity] is simply a veiled reference to the
staff contract termination procedure, which involves a sunny wall,
a single cigarette and some middling to average marksmen...
-- Dan Holdsworth
So I got to play distributed systems Jenga: take an undocumented pile
of interdependent machines, and remove as many machines as possible
without making the whole thing come crashing down.
-- Logan
After all, why in the world would any employer want happier, better educated employees who are more in touch with current technical developments in their field of work? That would interfere with too many existing arrangements.
-- Curt
It isn't the volts that kill, it's the missing brain waves.
-- seen by Matt Roberds on a circuit board
Remember, "close" counts in horse-shoes, hand-grenades and nuclear warfare; but in spamming, it's considered unnecessary precision.
-- Alun Jones
If I have pinged farther than others, it is because I routed upon
the T3s of giants.
-- Greg Andrews
But seriously, I've got root, so it's his problem.
-- Nick Manka
Like most computer techie people, I'll happily spend 6 hours trying
to figure out how to do a 3 hour job in 10 minutes.
-- Rev. James Cort, ASR
We had 12.9 gigabytes of PowerPoint slides on our network. And I thought, what a huge waste of corporate productivity. So we banned it. And we've had three unbelievable record-breaking fiscal quarters since we banned PowerPoint. Now, I would argue that every company in the world, if it would just ban PowerPoint, would see their earnings skyrocket. Employees would stand around going, "What do I do? Guess I've got to go to work."
-- Scott McNealy, CEO of Sun Microsystems
[SJM, 03Aug97. Keith Bostic bostic@bostic.com, QOTD]
[how to overload an annoying server]
*** self-destruct mode ***
Post it on Fark.com as an accident at a nude volleyball beach link
and use the "Boobies - Not Safe For Work" icon.
*** /self-destruct mode ***
-- kevingoebel
They should be firewalled off from the rest of society. With real fire.
-- Paul Tomblin describes how to treat virus creators
My problems start when the smarter bears and the dumber visitors intersect.
-- Steve Thompson, wildlife biologist at Yosemite National Park
Networks are like sewers: my job is to make sure your data goes away when you flush, and to stop the rats climbing into your toilet through the pipes.
-- Tanuki describes network administration
Remember that game in kindergarten, where you whisper in someone's ear, and the message works its way around the class and comes back to you as something totally different? That game exists to educate you on how graveyard shift maintenance crews pass on computer related instructions.
-- AJS
My other computer is your Windows machine.
-- sig
You're one of those weird Unix people who thinks that the proper response
to a problem is to diagnose it [using] the available evidence. Whereas
every sensible Windows user knows that the *correct* thing to do is to
either ignore it or frob things at random until the problem goes away.
-- Malcom Ray
We're standing there pounding a dead parrot on the counter,
and the management response is to frantically swap in new counters
to see if that fixes the problem.
-- Peter Gutmann
That's why I love VoIP --- you don't get people phoning up to complain
that the network is down.
-- Peter Corlett
Grr. I got my first pair of bifocals today. I can't read the CRT
for a damn. Will whiskey help? Let's find out.
-- Brian Kantor
Electric Eel and chances are he won't bother you for anything ever again.
-- Tanuki
I was absolutely horrified to see a book entitled 'C++ for dummies'.
What is the potential market for this book? What programmer considers
themself to be a dummy? Who wants to run code written by a dummy?
And perhaps more importantly, someone who *considers themselves* to
be a dummy?
-- Matthew Wilcox
For their next act, they'll no doubt be buying a firewall running under NT,
which makes about as much sense as building a prison out of meringue.
-- Tanuki
I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that
fish follow migrating caribou.
-- Paul Tomblin
I never really understood how there could be things that would drive you
insane just because you knew them until I ran into Windows.
-- Peter da Silva
If you continue to annoy us, you may find that we prefer the solution of
inducing you leave to the solution of deleting your posts.
We are not gentle tolerant people. We like drastically effective solutions.
-- Steve VanDevender
An Emacs reference mug is what I want. It would hold ten gallons of coffee.
-- Steve VanDevender
People who love sausages, respect the law, and work with IT standards
shouldn't watch any of them being made.
-- Peter Gutmann
First time I've gotten a programming job that required a drug test.
I was worried they were going to say 'you don't have enough LSD in
your system to do Unix programming'.
-- Paul Tomblin
You don't change the way people think by changing what they say. You
change the way people think with HEADLESS CHARRED BODIES FLYING THROUGH THE AIR. BLOOD! FLAMES! HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION!
-- Alastair J. R. Young
But yeah, a semi-automatic, a room full of our managers, and I would
*not* be a scene conducive to my staying out of gaol.
-- Matt McLeod
You'll get access to my computer room right after you pry the Halon test key out of my cold, lifeless hands.
-- Simon Travaglia
The difference is that Unix has had thirty years of technical types
demanding basic functionality of it. And the Macintosh has had fifteen
years of interface fascist users shaping its progress. Windows has the
hairpin turns of the Microsoft marketing machine and that's all.
-- Red Drag Diva
Wonder what diamonds do to losers though.
-- Peter N. M. Hansteen
When attached to the teeth of a blade turning at 7000rpm, a darn fine job.
-- D. Joseph Creighton
It's distinctly sub-optimal having a 70MPH pigeon explode all over
the inside of your vehicle.
-- Tanuki
I'm just waiting for the day that someone decides that "ignorant moron" is
an ethnic group, and thus cannot be discriminated against.
-- Christian Wagner
Why don't companies make second-person shooter games? I mean, we
have first-person, and third-person. Why not second-person?
-- Joe Moore
[Once in a lifetime opportunity] is simply a veiled reference to the
staff contract termination procedure, which involves a sunny wall,
a single cigarette and some middling to average marksmen...
-- Dan Holdsworth
So I got to play distributed systems Jenga: take an undocumented pile
of interdependent machines, and remove as many machines as possible
without making the whole thing come crashing down.
-- Logan
After all, why in the world would any employer want happier, better educated employees who are more in touch with current technical developments in their field of work? That would interfere with too many existing arrangements.
-- Curt
It isn't the volts that kill, it's the missing brain waves.
-- seen by Matt Roberds on a circuit board
Remember, "close" counts in horse-shoes, hand-grenades and nuclear warfare; but in spamming, it's considered unnecessary precision.
-- Alun Jones
If I have pinged farther than others, it is because I routed upon
the T3s of giants.
-- Greg Andrews
But seriously, I've got root, so it's his problem.
-- Nick Manka
Like most computer techie people, I'll happily spend 6 hours trying
to figure out how to do a 3 hour job in 10 minutes.
-- Rev. James Cort, ASR
We had 12.9 gigabytes of PowerPoint slides on our network. And I thought, what a huge waste of corporate productivity. So we banned it. And we've had three unbelievable record-breaking fiscal quarters since we banned PowerPoint. Now, I would argue that every company in the world, if it would just ban PowerPoint, would see their earnings skyrocket. Employees would stand around going, "What do I do? Guess I've got to go to work."
-- Scott McNealy, CEO of Sun Microsystems
[SJM, 03Aug97. Keith Bostic bostic@bostic.com, QOTD]
[how to overload an annoying server]
*** self-destruct mode ***
Post it on Fark.com as an accident at a nude volleyball beach link
and use the "Boobies - Not Safe For Work" icon.
*** /self-destruct mode ***
-- kevingoebel
They should be firewalled off from the rest of society. With real fire.
-- Paul Tomblin describes how to treat virus creators
My problems start when the smarter bears and the dumber visitors intersect.
-- Steve Thompson, wildlife biologist at Yosemite National Park
Networks are like sewers: my job is to make sure your data goes away when you flush, and to stop the rats climbing into your toilet through the pipes.
-- Tanuki describes network administration
Remember that game in kindergarten, where you whisper in someone's ear, and the message works its way around the class and comes back to you as something totally different? That game exists to educate you on how graveyard shift maintenance crews pass on computer related instructions.
-- AJS
My other computer is your Windows machine.
-- sig
You're one of those weird Unix people who thinks that the proper response
to a problem is to diagnose it [using] the available evidence. Whereas
every sensible Windows user knows that the *correct* thing to do is to
either ignore it or frob things at random until the problem goes away.
-- Malcom Ray
We're standing there pounding a dead parrot on the counter,
and the management response is to frantically swap in new counters
to see if that fixes the problem.
-- Peter Gutmann
That's why I love VoIP --- you don't get people phoning up to complain
that the network is down.
-- Peter Corlett
Grr. I got my first pair of bifocals today. I can't read the CRT
for a damn. Will whiskey help? Let's find out.
-- Brian Kantor
<3